Have you been in a relationship, became upset with your partner, and gave them the silent treatment? Giving them no love because of an argument you had? Shutting down on them because of a misunderstanding? Have you started the silent treatment?

As we begin a new relationship we talk about change. We talk about what we would do differently in certain situations because we have grown as a person. Soon as a situation occurs, we go back to doing the same things, giving our partner the silent treatment when we become upset. I understand that you’re not happy at the moment, I understand that you can’t forget what happen, but not communicating with your partner can’t help your relationship. If it’s something that you truly can’t get over, move on. I’m not saying you have to get over anything in a day or two, but holding grudges for months and months can’t be a good thing for your relationship.

Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work?

Recently, I was watching an Alicia Keys video with Common in it. The video really made me stop and think about how we need to embrace our relationship. We all know things happen, and you will have arguments, but not telling someone you love them because you’re upset doesn’t sit well with me. Tomorrow is not promised, enjoy your relationship and enjoy your life. You have to understand that going into a relationship, there will be ups and downs but know that using the silent treatment method to get your point across may not be the right way. You have to enjoy the moments that you can share with your love ones because there will come a time when they will be gone. How would you feel then?

Follow Jason Smith on his website daily at JLS360

10 Marriage Rules You Should Break

This wonderful couple is celebrating their 86th anniversary today.

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher got married on May 13, 1924 and now hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple.

Mr. Fisher is 104 and Mrs. Fisher is 101.

On Valentine’s Day of this year, the two took to Twitter to answer 14 questions (and give advice) about love and longevity. Here’s the final “Q&A.”

(Read each tweet from bottom to top)

-

--

--

-

Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work?

10 Marriage Rules You Should Break

-

-

-

-

-

-

Now that’s something to celebrate. Happy Anniversary to the Fishers.

Waiting for sex vs. sex on the first date. Does it matter?

This is a discussion that always comes up when the topic of dating protocol arrives. Many women feel that the man is less likely to take them seriously and want to pursue a relationship with them if they give up the goods too soon. Think about it ladies. We were taught since little girls that boys want what is between our legs and will say almost anything to get to it. We were taught to protect it. Little boys on the contrary are taught to be conquerors and the more notches under their belt the better a man they are. For women, as we get older some of the glitter and gold of the “vagina is sacred” concept starts to fade as we see that even the good girls get played. So what happens then? Some give up on the concept of being pure like snow and decide that they have control over their bodies and that they too want the same sexual freedoms that men have.  The reality surfaces that not every woman is interested in having a relationship with every man she sleeps with.

Opinion: Women Have Bad Taste In Women

Then there is a man’s point of view where some feel that if they want to be in a relationship with you it does not matter how soon you give it up. If they already like you then the sex will be like the cherry on top.

In 2010, does it matter if you wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex? For ladies, does this guarantee that the man will treat you better or want to be in a relationship with you? For the guys, does a woman who wants to make you wait turn you off or does it make you appreciate her more? Are there people in the world who still live by this code?

A Celebration For the Pill

Here is my point of view. As a woman, I would say that sex on the first date is not a good idea if you like this guy. If you know that you like this guy and want to possibly pursue a relationship with him then your best bet is to wait until you know how he feels about you. You don’t necessarily have to wait until you are in a relationship for sex but you should definitely know that he likes you for you and that usually takes more than one date to distinguish. Now, if you….. To Read The Rest Visit YeahSheSaidIt

I was at a function where a lot of gay men were in attendance; this is like a single girl’s heaven because everyone kept complimenting my outfit, while also giving me kudos on my hair. But once the drinks settled in, I noticed that a couple of my new gay boyfriends could not keep their eyes off of my breasts. Then it happened – someone cupped my left breast, like we were Scarlett Johansson and Isaac Mizrahi on the red carpet.

Oh No, His ‘Manly Part ‘ Went Limp!

I was floored, yet I was more intrigued than angry. It was hardly a sexual gesture, but felt more like when a toddler grabs your breasts just because they’re protruding. He said, “squeechy.”

You know that I had to find out why this happened, so I asked and he said, “I am sorry, but I was mesmerized and I could not help myself. I love breasts.”

There are many that believe that if a man was breastfed by his mother, he will love them for the rest of his life. But does this include gay men, too? Even though they have decided that woman aren’t their choice of mate. I was confused, so I did the research and found a story by the Daily Mail in the UK that quoted Sigmund Frued’s assessment on breastfeeding.

Freud believed breastfeeding was central to our adult sexual development. He claimed that sexual desires began in earliest childhood, with the first stage based around the oral stimulation of breastfeeding, which in adults is manifested as kissing.

He wrote: ‘No one who has seen a baby sinking back satiated from the breast and falling asleep with flushed cheeks and a blissful smile can escape the reflection that this picture persists as a prototype of the expression of sexual satisfaction in later life.’

While this is now an unfashionable interpretation, it may have influenced Western society’s view that there is something culturally unsettling about breastfeeding.

Dating Out Of The Box 101: So You Want To Date a Bisexual

So does this mean my gay boyfriend secretly wants my breasts?

Tell Me What You Think

Check Out These Hot Celebs and Their Gay Boyfriends:

You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Ladies, ladies, ladies….Yes, it’s “He Can Get It” Wednesday and I have a special treat for you today.

Today’s fine exotic specimen of a man hails from GERMANY! It is my pleasure to introduce this sexy good-looking brother, Bruck Tekle. The 28-year old was born in Krefeld, Germany to Tzehainesh Gebreselassie/Tekle and Tewolde Tekle, a working class Eritrean family from east Africa.

Bruck’s father was the first to make his way to Germany looking for a better life and future. Bruck was raised in Germany with his two older sisters Jael and Zion and older brother Emanuel, where he went to school. He is fluent in German, English and Eritrean. DAMN! He is trilingual. Now, ladies, I am sure Bruck will be more than happy to teach an eager student how to speak his native language.

Bruck’s parents unfortunately divorced when he was 7 years old. However, growing up, his dad exposed him to soccer at the age of 4. He became one of the best soccer players in his age group and city winning numerous awards and trophies. He played the sport for sixteen years until the age of twenty.

Surprisingly or we should say ”as nature took its course” after sixteen years Bruck found out that he had another passion, which was basketball. He took that passion after extra hours and hours of hard work in the gym and made it to the semi-professional level in Germany. After playing for 4 years, Bruck later came to the United States (New York) in hopes of playing for a college basketball team. After numerous tryouts with no luck in landing a spot on a team, Bruck decided to stay in the United States to pursue his bachelor’s degree in physical therapy, as well as pursuing a modeling career.

Bruck’s modeling came into play when a photographer approached him and asked if he was willing to pose for one of his projects. Bruck was reluctant at first, not sure of what was being offered. After his older sisters explained to him that the offer was legitimate and harmless, he made what proved to be an excellent decision by accepting the opportunity. Bruck is a fresh-face in the modeling industry. LAWD! Yes, he is!!

“He Can Get It” Wednesday: Cristian

I asked Bruck what does he look for in a woman and he said, “I am looking for a God fearing woman. One who is honest, humorous, book-smart as well as street-smart. A woman who is sexy without even trying hard, and most importantly, in her own way. She needs to have her own identity and be real with herself. A lot of times woman tend to get caught up in their own hype, which can be fatal for them while they are in the process of finding Mr. Right.” Yeah, Bruck spoke the truth. And, I am sure there are plenty of ladies out there who fit the bill for Bruck.

Bruck said in his down time he is a real laid back dude that loves to have fun with his family and friends. “I don’t really have a set plan of what to do in my down time. I am more of spontaneous type of person. So, it can range from playing pick-up ball in the park, going to the movies, traveling, or clubbing. I mean anything can happen. Like I said I like to keep it spontaneous because that when I usually have a good time.” How many spontaneous women out there can hang with Bruck?

If you want to reach out to Bruck, you can contact him on his Facebook page, HERE!

Without further adieu, please enjoy the photos of this beautiful man, Bruck!

What is marriage? I mean besides the sunshine and lollipops definition. Besides the promise to only have sex with this one person for the rest of your life, share money, living quarters and your life with them. What exactly does  marriage mean?  In a room full of people, everyone would have different definitions. Some would say that it is nothing more than a contract between two individuals. There are elements that can make that contract void. In a society where people who barely know each other join game shows to win love and marriage, can a  successful marriage exist between two individuals who are not in love? One would also have to define what they feel a successful marriage is. Some would say it is successful if both parties are financially stable or if they are both benefiting form the arrangement in some way.

He Wants To Play House But He Won’t Marry Me

Should you marry a person who you are not in love with? After time progresses chances are you would start to fall in love with them. Is love really necessary in order for what some would define as  a business arrangement to be successful? Only recently has society felt…… To Read The Rest Go To YeahSheSaidIt

You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

What’s up Beautiful People!

I hope you all had a wonderful week. You’re smiling, letting the sun shine in your life, and you’re being peaceful and at peace with yourself and others.

Today is, “Straight, From Your Gay Best” Advice Day and I thank you all for sending in your letters. My inbox is flooded with letters and please know I am getting to each and every one of your letters. I promise to answer each one, so please be patient and don’t fret. I got you covered!

Check out this week’s letter and I’ll see you next week for “He Can Get It” Wednesday!

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Me and my man“Vick” have been together for three years. Our relationship has been good over the years. We have been faithful to each other, you know, doing everything right. But, we have reached a disagreement. You see, I have a 3-year-old son – Vick is not my son’s father; we got together a couple of months after my son was born – and Vick wants a child with me. He has no children, so this would be his first child. I want to get married before I have another child, but Vick wants to wait another 4 or 5 years before we get married.

This disagreement is really taking over our relationship. I’m supposed to be moving in with him in June, and the way things are looking, we might not make it to June. So, how can I fix this issue because I really love Vick and I don’t want to lose him – I Want To Get Married First

“I’m Young, Married, And I Want A Divorce!”

Dear I Want To Get Married First,

Girl, I love how folks always want to play house, but don’t want to be the family unit that creates a household.

So, let me get this straight. Vick wants you and your son from another man to move in with him, and he wants you to have another baby with him, but he doesn’t want to get married to you now? Look at that statement and let it soak inside your thick skull.

You’re good enough to lay around and have sex with, but he’s not willing to commit to you right now. Uhm, you need to tell Vick, “No, this is not how this works! If we are going to be a family, and you want me to have your child and all, then we need to get married before I have your baby.”

I am curious as to why Vick is willing to let you and your child, which is not his, move in with him. I am going to go out on a limb and say he probably really does love you and the child, and that it’s not based on a financial situation because he is taking care of you and another man’s child. I think that it is commendable for any man to step in and care for a child that is not his. It shows he is a stand-up guy, and as long as he treats your child as his own, and not differently, Vick is a good guy.

But ask yourself, why can’t he marry you now? What is his hold up? Have you asked him those questions? I mean, Ms. Honey, come on you’ve been dating for three years. He wants to wait another four or five years to marry you. It doesn’t take that long to know if you want to marry someone. I gather something else is going on and he’s not telling you what it is. And, girl, you’ve got a right to know before you start playing house because trust and believe, sweetie, once you move in, he will have the whole cow and the milk.

You and Vick need to communicate. That means having an open dialogue about your relationship and where you both see it going. You have to have a plan. People jump into relationships and you look up and it’s three years later, as in your case, and then you want to know where are we going and what are we doing. Chile, folks be on two different pages, and at two different stages in their relationships because they don’t communicate. They assume a lot about their relationships. And, when you finally have a conversation you discover the two of you are at two different places. One wants to get married, and the other still wants to wait. Girl, miss me with that. But, at least he asked you to move in, but three years later!

Look, girl, if you have expressed to Vick that you don’t want to have another child out of wedlock, and that is a commitment you have made to yourself, then don’t do it. I always tell people do not compromise your values and morals for anyone. No person is worth it. You have to stay true to yourself and if Vick respects you and your ideas on marriage and family, then he will wait to have the baby, and ask you to marry him sooner rather than later. I tell you, some women have babies with men to prove their undying love, yet, right before the child is born, or as soon as the child is born the relationship ends. Not to say this will happen to you, but you did state, “I want to fix this situation because I really love him and don’t want to lose him.” Girl, don’t you go and get pregnant to remedy and try to save your relationship. Again, I say sit down and have a conversation and come to some compromise. Come up with a six-month, and one-year plan. You both need to be on the same page.

My suggestion, Ms. I Want To Get Married First, I say don’t move in with him. Wait. If he is the man for you he will wait and do the right thing. You know how the old folks say, “He will do the proper thing.” Don’t rush into something you are not ready to commit to, especially having another child out of wedlock. And, suppose he doesn’t marry you after you shacked up and had another child, then what?

Like Beyonce sang, “If you liked it, then you should of put a ring on it” – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend

When He Wants You Back….

Do you have friends with benefits? Are you two consenting adults or are you just playing yourself? Let’s talk sex buddies and relationships…

On this episode of Abiola’s Kiss and Tell TV we are talking about FWB relationships. What do you think?

WATCH!

Leave a comment or shout me out on Twitter, Youtube or Facebook. You can also come hang with me in NYC every month at Abiola’s Kiss & Tell Live reading series at Madame X or buy my novel Dare by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

The two of you should do everything together; work out every disagreement (without actually fighting); spend every night in the same bed; and never, ever be bored. Say what?! These and other so-called “rules” for marriage need some serious debunking. And it’s not just because rules your mother may have passed on are outdated; some may be downright damaging. In fact, “breaking some marriage ‘rules’ may be the best thing you can do for your relationship,” says Barbara Bartlein, RN, MSW, psychotherapist and author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? Here are 10 rules you can break with confidence:

1. Never go to bed angry.

Where did this one come from? Turns out, it may go as far back as the Bible, which advises not letting the sun go down on your anger. But trying to work through a problem when you’re tired and stressed won’t get you anywhere, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, psychologist and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you’re rested.”

2. Always be 100% honest.

In marriage, no-holds-barred honesty is not always the best policy. For example, “you don’t need to share details of past relationships,” says Bartlein. “That invites comparisons, and when you compare, someone comes up short.” The bottom line: You need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner’s feelings.

Top 5 Bedroom Blunders & Smooth Recoveries

3. Never vacation without each other.

The received wisdom here is that if you have time off from your jobs and lives, you should naturally prefer to spend it together. One problem with this rule is that you and your spouse may not have the same definition of a great getaway (you like to ski, he’s a beach bum). The other danger, says Dr. Lombardo, is the belief “that you have to be each other’s everything, and that’s just not realistic.” Sometimes, you need a spa weekend, and he may want to go camping (or vice versa). Just be sure that you don’t always take off without each other.

READ THE REST HERE

When He Wants You Back….

“One day he’ll wake up and realize how amazing she really was and when that day comes she will be waking up next to the man who already knew.”

Let the church say “Amen”. Caution- This One Is For The Sistas. In other words I am about to let the Shera, feminist princess, warrior chick out. I am not for the tame of heart.

There are a lot of women who just read the above quote and are thinking to themselves that “this is the story of their lives”. It stroke a chord with me as well. Lets digest this quote. How often do we as women go back and forth with a man that we love in the hopes that he will one day be true, appreciate us, or just get his act together? Whatever the issue may be, we struggle with him in hopes of it coming into fruition but at last, it does not. After realizing that you are at fault as well for wasting so much time and energy on the relationship you are forced to put on your soldier of love armor and proceed into the jungles of the dating world.

How defeating is it that you can give your heart to someone and love them as openly as humanely possible and yet they still choose to dishonor you? I currently am in a loving, healthy relationship but I can count about 3-4 ex boyfriends of mine who if were to give them a chance, would love to take my current honey’s place. All it would take is a simple phone call from me requesting their attention and they would respond.

There is no clear explanation as to why a man does not appreciate the woman he has until he no longer has her. It is as if it does not connect with them until much after. By then it is too late. She is no longer interested or has moved on. Some say this concept is human nature. Now, I am not talking about ALL men because obviously not all men are foolish but in this moment, I am more so speaking to my sista’s so brothas, see you your way to the door. I also am fully aware that women equally damage relationships as well but again, this quote is for my sistas. Thanks.

8 Mistakes Men Make To Ruin A Relationship

With that being said ladies, in reference to my earlier statement about there being at least 3 exes of mine whose mistakes ended our relationships. They would jump at the chance to be with me now if I initiated it. What is it that makes a woman more desirable when she in not thinking of you? Ladies, you have been here. Each of these fellas has tried on at least two different occasions to attempt to win my love back after the break up. Some tried right away and for some it took years for them to fully grasp what I may have meant to them, what we could have had, or the mistakes that they made to contribute to the demise of the relationship.

4 Warning Signs To Consider Before Getting Involved

In fact within the last year of me moving from my hometown to California, at least 4 of my exes have reached out to me in some capacity. They were each unaware of my current relationship status in hopes of securing another chance with me. All were denied. Unfortunately for them… To Read The Rest Go To YeahSheSaidIt